I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
