Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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