some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
