Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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