I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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