Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
someone owes me an orgasm
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
