He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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