I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
