It's like God shit irony all over that family
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
