im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
