Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
