I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
