the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
