I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
