That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
