he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
