idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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