Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will pee on everything he values.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
