On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
