How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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