Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
