I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
