Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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