This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
