And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
