Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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