yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
