I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
