remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
