WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
