When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
