Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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