i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
