I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
