i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
