My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
