I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
