I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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