You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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