nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
