take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
