why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
