I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
