I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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