you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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