who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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