Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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