haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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