In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
