doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
