Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
