I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
