I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
