You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
