just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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