Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
