The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
